New Wave Hookers

The Dark Brothers were movers and shakers in the porn industry in the middle eighties, producing some edgy stuff, but it's hard to take their work seriously now. New Wave Hookers is like the Platonic ideal of an eighties porn film, almost an archetype, and there's no good reason to take eighties porn as a whole seriously. There are a couple of reasons to watch New Wave Hookers, though. Unfortunately, Traci Lords is no longer one of them. Yes, this is THAT New Wave Hookers, the one from which Traci's scene was cut after her underage status became public. NWH is probably the most famous of the movies in which she appeared, and one of the very few that was recut and re-released without her. Unless you are Canadian or a lawbreaker, though, you'll never see her in her cute little devil costume.

Jack Baker and Jamie Gillis are watching porn together, just hanging out, and talking about how good it would be to be pimps, running a whorehouse operation and partaking of the wares whenever they wanted to. After some discussion of how such an operation would function, they both drift off to sleep and share a dream of their ideal job. Baker's decked out in a yellow jumpsuit and a pair of DEVO sunglasses, Gillis sports an Anarchy T-shirt, shades, and a hideous cartoon Japanese accent, and the two share an office decorated with graffiti, posters, porn, and a human dog who says "ring!" when there's someone on the phone. Business could be better, but at least the day is livened up some by the arrival of a new New Wave Hooker in the person of Desiree Lane on rollerskates. Luscious Lane goes right for Gillis - as soon as the new wave music is turned on, so is she, and some vibrator action is followed by a doggystyle pounding from Gillis and a blowjob for the "dog" (Steve Powers in a collar), while Jack Baker masturbates in the background, something he did surprisingly often (he had a legitimate acting career to think of, but one wonders why he thought jacking off and getting blowjobs in the occasional porn movie was going to be more respectable than just having sex).

Next up is a scene with "two hot bitches" and a sheikh, played inexplicably by Peter North in a fez (when you consider how many vaguely sheikh-ish-looking men there were in porn in the eighties, you have to wonder why they chose him). Two girls are sent off to satisfy the "high-rolling A-rab", with the injunction that he has to play new wave music to get them hot, and none of "that nigger music" (not going to hear that much these days in a movie with only one black guy in it, are you?). The girls are Kimberly Carson and Brooke Fields, a blonde and a brunette who jump each other when it turns out the sheikh isn't quite ready. He's on the same page pretty quickly, though, and they go down on him before he fucks both doggystyle and blows a typically huge load on Brooke's ass while Kimberly helps finish him off.

The next scene may be one of the most hyped trysts ever, featuring Ginger Lynn banging a pair of uber-nerds in what looks like a dorm-room. Ginger cruises into the room, where the nerds, played by Tom Byron at his nerdy best, and Steve Powers, in an unusual nerd/dog double role. Ginger offers up her ass to the two nerds, and the delivers in spades. This is one of Ginger's early movies, before she was a true superstar - arguably, it helped make her a superstar - and a rare trip to anal country in a time when anal was still kind of unusual. She was at the height of her powers as far as cocksucking goes, and her double blowjob is excellent, but the real treat (viewed in the context of its rarity) is the double penetration, a true D.P. with both guys pounding away (instead of one guy holding still while the other goes at it) and Ginger squealing mightily. This might be the Ginger scene to watch if you have somehow managed never to see Ginger before.

Back at the ho house, Baker and Gillis are talking food, and Baker suggests sushi as vittles to make Jamie "more Chinese"; as soon as sushi comes up, Kristara Barrington slinks in, leather-miniskirted and bearing food. A quick dose of New Wave music, though, and she's wagging her tail and presenting for the boys, who take advantage of her immediately. Gillis plays with the food she brought, making a huge mess while Baker and Powers, in his dog incarnation take turns going down on her. She blows Baker to a truly staggering money shot and then Powers fucks her on the desk.

The fifth and last scene is the giant orgy scene, with the New Wave Hookers laid out on a playground carousel so they can be rotated from place to place. Barrington, Ginger Lynn, and Gina Carrera get used in all kinds of ways until the vice cops show up to shut the place down. Gillis, thinking quickly, offers the cops a ride on the carousel, and it turns out they really are vice cops - they accept, and everybody's busy till the end of the scene, which comes when the two pimps wake up to a dead TV screen, having fallen asleep watching porn. Gillis, after a little conversation, heads home, and while he's driving, sees a streetwalker who looks just like one of the girls he dreamed about...

Here's the thing about New Wave Hookers: if you like eighties porn, you're going to like it. If you don't like eighties porn, you're going to hate it. Everything in it is emblematic and iconic, with the decade personified in the music, the costumes, the hair, the sets, and the performers - Ginger was in many ways the face of 80s porn, Gillis the archetype of the dirty old man. Even the tone of the movie is dated, with Jamie Gillis doing a Z-Grade Japanese accent and a lot of racist humor. It was probably funny at the time, but now it's funny because it's so dumb. Still, it was the way things were.   Collapse.

The Dark Brothers were movers and shakers in the porn industry in the middle eighties, producing some edgy stuff, but it's hard to take their work seriously now. New Wave Hookers is like the Platonic ideal of an eighties porn film, almost an archetype, and there's no good reason to take eighties porn as a whole seriously. There are a couple of reasons to watch New Wave Hookers, though. Unfortunately, Traci Lords is no longer one of them. Yes, this is THAT New Wave Hookers, the one from which Traci's scene was cut after her underage status became public. NWH is probably the most famous of the movies in which she appeared, and one of the very few that was recut and re-released without her. Unless you are Canadian or a lawbreaker, though, you'll never see her in her cute little devil costume.... Read the Full Review!